I'm the umpteenth Chicago lifestyle blogger. But IÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢m worse, because my "fashion" sense includes Target t-shirts and my makeup skills involve being as bare-faced as possible. What I am is a twenty-something that is trying to learn all the tips and tricks to living life to the fullest. This blog is a chronicle of the adventures and lessons life throws at me. I grew up in Italy and Spain and moved to Chicago five years ago. I learned how to ride the bus this month and am looking for the perfect falafel. Give me your recommendations and I will let you pet my cat, Tyrion Lannister. My pictures aren't perfectly edited but neither is this story. This is how it feels to be young and confused in Chicago.
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IT’S HERE!! Holy cow. You guys, can I just say I definitely did not see this day coming as soon as now? A year ago we were living in our 900 square foot apartment with furniture and decor that was handed down and discombobulated. Now we’re in our OWN home, with a living room...
IT’S HERE!! Holy cow. You guys, can I just say I definitely did not see this day coming as soon as now? A year ago we were living in our 900 square foot apartment with furniture and decor that was handed down and discombobulated. Now we’re in our OWN home, with a living room designed how we wanted it. It feels like a dream. But it’s our actual reality. I can’t even begin to explain to you how unbelievably grateful and blessed we feel after such trials and tribulations. It was a hard road, but HOLY CRAP was it all worth it. Truly.
Also, I want to let you know that this post does contain some affiliate links. If you click most of the links and purchase, my fam and I will get some commission from it which helps to support me and my dreams of helping you all!! Just an FYI
Now to the fun stuff!!
I definitely pride myself in how well I can find cute but super affordable options when it comes to decor, and even clothing. I could never understand how ONE throw pillow could cost over $300 (yes, I actually came across a throw pillow that was that much and I almost choked from how big my gasp was). I realized that you can find just as cute, if not cuter, options for MUUUUCH cheaper without sacrificing quality. Yup, it’s real folks!! Over here, our bffs (or, actually just my bffs and more like David’s nemesis’s) are Target, Amazon, HomeGoods, TJ Maxx, and a few local small businesses here and there. We wanted to start fresh in regards to our furniture and decor, so we didn’t bring any of our previous furniture with us except for a few small things here and there that we felt would fit our vision for what we wanted our home to look and feel like. What was most important to us was making our home feel welcoming. We wanted a more minimalistic, mid century modern with a mix of boho style without sacrificing comfort. It never made sense to me to have a super cute home that you couldn’t even get comfortable in without worrying about things getting ruined. We ended up touching into a bit of all styles haha, it’s all pretty minimalistic and mid century modern but there’s definitely some boho, Scandi, industrial and coastal vibes going on in our living room and we LOVE it!!
THE COUCH ::
First, let’s talk about the couch because that is the most expensive item that we did splurge on a bit (although I will say our definitely of splurge isn’t all that much of a splurge lol). So let’s get that one out of the way so we can get to the cheaper stuff We bought that during Black Friday last year knowing that it wouldn’t get here until after we moved into our new place anyway. We got it for a little over 50% off (a little over $1000 after tax + shipping, which is hard to find with a couch this big and high quality) so it was truly such a steal and we absolutely LOVE it. And hi, when I went to get the link for the couch, I noticed that it’s currently ON SALE FOR $999!! RUUUUUN.
It’s so incredibly comfortable, it’s grey so we don’t have to be stressed about it getting too dirty, and it’s dang cute. We searched the entire internet for a couch like this and I’m so glad we found it! Also, a TIP for those getting new couches: Scotch Guard. You’re welcome.
Okay I was seriously most excited about getting new throw pillows haha! I feel like throw pillows can really make or break the vibe of the living room, so it was really important to me to get throw pillows that were COMFY and tied in the colors we have in our room that fit the overall style. I found this company on Amazon and was thrilled about it! They are incredible quality for an INCREDIBLE price (you get 5 covers for the price of $29… yes freaking please!!!!).
We LOOOOVE our rug from RugsUSA. It ties in to everything, is neutral, and has just enough shag. When we unrolled it for the first time and put it into the living room, I’m pretty sure Leo laid on it for like an hour. We can’t rave about it enough!! We got the 7″10′ x 10′ size and it works perfect for our space.
WINDOW TREATMENTS ::
YO I was sooooo excited to see how our Woven Wood Roman Shades were going to look in person and it completely beat our expectations!!! They bring so much warmth to the space. We originally got priced at over $5k for just the windows in the living room and in our master suite, and we said lol NOPE and searched for something much more cost effective. And WELLAH, enter Home Depot!! We love them. We spent just barely $300 for the same amount of blinds that we were quoted at $5k. We installed them ourselves and it was easy. They are cordless and absolutely stunning!! We wanted light filtering blinds with linen curtains to give it the privacy it needs, and they work perfectly together for just that. Curtains and curtain rings were from Target and the curtain rods from Home Depot as well!
ENTERTAINMENT CENTER ::
Oookay this one was hard to find. It was the last piece of furniture that we bought because we had the hardest time finding something that would work with our space in regards to color, style, and size that wasn’t over $300. We were pumped when we found this neutral, minimalistic, mid century modern one for under $300!!! I’ll add some more decor on top eventually, but for now we just have a vase with pampas grass and a figurine that David got on his LDS mission in South Africa. The hardware handles match perfectly with the hardware in our kitchen so it makes it tie in even more!
Who saw my Instagram stories about being torn between having one chair in the corner vs. 2 chairs by the window?! David was sooo skeptical of having two chairs, but I told him to trust me, and he was pleasantly surprised. His opinion changed on the matter. It’s like I actually knew what I was doing or something and have a lil taste, yanno??
Two words: Studio McGee. Two more words: Yes. Please. We LOVE these simple, neutral, coastal vibin’ chairs. They are just the right size, cute, and COMFY. Again, I was not about to sacrifice comfort so I feel like we hit the jackpot with these! They’re from my bff Target. I feel like it’s real hard to go wrong with Target.
MOROCCAN POUF ::
I knew this is something I wanted long before we even moved into our home, and Woven Nook didn’t disappoint with their moroccan pouf! I absolutely love it, and I love that we were able to support a local business here in Utah! They are the cutest company that also sells super affordable bundles of throw pillows as well. We just filled it with a bunch of blankets we don’t use after a failed attempt of filling it with cut up memory foam (if you want your pouf to be firm, don’t use memory foam. Rookie mistake).
PICTURE OF CHRIST ::
Out of all the beautiful pieces we have in our home, I have to say this one is my absolute favorite. I got to pick this one out for Christmas from David last year when Haven Light had a pop up shop in Costco. It’s without a doubt our most complimented piece in our home. It brings so much peace, tranquility, and light into our home. We love it so, so much.
There you have it!! What do you think?! I hope this is helpful in finding budget friendly decor options. It doesn’t have to cost thousands to decorate your home and it can still be REAL cute and comfy!
As always, if you have any questions, feel free to comment and I’ll get back to you
Hi guys!! So this is a bit of a different blogpost than usual, but as I’ve been trying out new things and products that have sincerely been changing my life for the better I’ve been wanting to share ALL of it with ALL of you! I’m the type of person that once they find...
So this is a bit of a different blogpost than usual, but as I’ve been trying out new things and products that have sincerely been changing my life for the better I’ve been wanting to share ALL of it with ALL of you! I’m the type of person that once they find something they really love, they just want to share it with the world because of how AWESOME it is. So because of this, I’ve created another section on my blog titled Health + Beauty, and this is the first post that will go in that section. I’m so excited to share another topic that I’m so passionate about!! Health + making life easier and better is something I’ve always loved learning about. I hope what I learn and share can help you, too!
So to start off this post, here are 9 health + beauty items that I found in 2020 that I LOVE that have been making my life so much easier, efficient, and just better overall! 2020 wasn’t all that bad with these products:
Well folks, there you have it! These are products that have me feeling so confident and GOOD. I use 6/9 products everyday (silk pillowcase, Burt’s Bees tinted lip balm, Maybelline Super Stay concealer, 32oz-64oz Hydro Cell, Thread Wallet, and the PMD cleaner). The other 3 are used when needed (dry shampoo is used basically everyday haha, RefectoCil is used every 3 weeks or so, and the scalp massager is used whenever I wash my hair).
Leave below any questions you may have, any other products you LOVE that make your life easier, and if you try any of these out!! I’d love to hear from you!
On a very hot August day in Moab, UT, David and I got married during sunset at the La Sal Viewpoint in Arches National Park. Here's allllll the deets! I'm so excited to share our special day with you all. It was SO magical.
On a very hot day on August 25th in Moab, UT, David and I got married during sunset at the La Sal Mountains Viewpoint in Arches National Park. Here’s allllll the deets! I’m so excited to share our special day with you all. It was SO magical.
So first, HI! It’s been awhile! Before I jump into our wedding day, I figure I should mention that we got engaged in July, lol. It was the most amazing engagement and so perfect. I’ll share more about that special day later, but for now let’s talk wedding
So, why August 25th? Well, there were a lot of reasons surrounding our decision to marry when we did, but the main one was that we both knew it was the right thing for both of us. We had been praying about it since we started dating because we wanted to make sure we did everything absolutely right. So, short answer: it felt right. And after we both got confirmation about it from praying, we started planning for it! Since it’s also the year of COVID, we knew there was just no point in postponing because of COVID since it’s been SO unpredictable. Our date didn’t become finalized until 3 weeks before, and honestly, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. It was so carefree, fun, exciting, and perfect for us!
The reason we chose Arches is because it has a special meaning for us. Our very first road trip we went on together was to Moab to explore Arches. I had always wanted to go but never had the chance, so while Leo was away with his dad last December David took us to Arches to get my mind off of Leo being away for the first time (and how much my heart ACHED over it) and to get out and have fun. We had the most incredible time, and it was that trip that we both individually realized that our friendship was made for something more. Although we were both terrified to admit it, we knew.
Let’s take a side tangent real quick and address trauma since it’s a really important part to my story. Working through my trauma from my past marriage, the divorce, and even trauma going back all the way to my childhood has been a lot of hard, hard work. Trying to undo the thinking and beliefs that my trauma has created has been quite the beast. Trauma is such an interesting thing. When we go through trauma, our brains try to protect us by “normalizing” our trauma. When it comes to relationships, if we get deeply burned (cheated on, betrayed, lied to etc.), manipulated, and/or abused in a relationship and it happens over & over again, our brains become emotionally addicted to the “high”, a.k.a. adrenaline rush, that that relationship causes. Our brains don’t know the difference between a good adrenaline high and a bad one. It’s all the same, even if it might feel different and if we KNOW that’s it’s different. So we become used to that, and it becomes our normal and feels most comfortable and familiar EVEN IF we know that behavior is unacceptable and not what we deserve. I became emotionally addicted to being treated wrongly from my past toxic relationships before. Why? Because that’s what my brain’s “normal” was. It was familiar, and whenever my brain found it, it became attached because our brain searches for comfort and despises the uncomfortable unless we train it otherwise.
David is the most kind, caring, loving man I’ve ever met, and so many times my brain had tried to tell me to walk away because “this isn’t my normal.” Being treated right was, and sometimes still is, uncomfortable because I was treated inadequately for so long that it became my normal. I have had to literally rewire my brain to understand that this treatment from David is GOOD, healthy, and NOT harmful. Since it’s not what I’m used to, my brain was trying to protect me and make me go to what’s familiar which was the WORST thing I could do to myself. This is why I don’t necessarily believe in the phrase, “if it feels wrong, it probably is”. If you’ve had traumatic experiences in your life, a lot of the time it’s our trauma tricking us into thinking it’s wrong just so we go back to old habits and environments that our brain is comfortable with. WHOA, right?! Although I’m in a lot better place in my healing from my trauma, it still hits me sometimes. I’ll go into more of trauma and how it can affect our relationships later, so stay tuned for that one.
Now back to the wedding!!
Despite my trauma that I’m continuously healing from, the day was seriously just absolutely magical. The night before the wedding I took Leo out on a little mommy-son date to give him some one on one time to try to explain to him what was going to be happening the next day. We had been preparing him for the wedding day for awhile at this point by talking to him about what it means for momma and David to get married, how David will be living with us now, how he’ll have 2 dads now, etc. but I wanted to make our last night together as just the 2 of us extra special with his favorite food, PIZZAAA. I’m no professional when it comes to the best way to tell a 2 year old such big things, but I’ve listened to my gut and have done/said what I felt was best for Leo. It was really, really, REALLY important to me that Leo knew how much he was loved and that this wouldn’t change our relationship. It’s so important to me that he knows that he will ALWAYS be my little best guy, that no one could ever replace him, and that he’ll always feel that from us. We’ve been through so dang much together as a little duo, and it’s honestly surreal to be here today, now remarried, with Leo having a father figure in his life constantly. Knowing all the big changes about to happen, having this one on one time with him the night before was the highest priority.
One of my sister’s drove down from Idaho that night as well so that she could drive down to Moab with Leo and I the next morning and be there for the wedding which meant the WORLD to me. David had already left that night with our friend Ben (who is also the one who married us) and we planned on not seeing each other until our “first look” right before the ceremony.
Since we were getting married in the year of COVID, we had to keep our ceremony incredibly small. David’s parents, Ben, Leo, and my sister were the only ones there (besides our photographer and videographer). Unfortunately my parents couldn’t be there – they live out of state in Idaho as well and at the time my mom was preparing to have surgery and both of my parent’s jobs had strict rules regarding traveling and COVID. So because of that, we had a Zoom meeting running during the ceremony for our families. It worked out really well, and luckily the La Sal Mountain Viewpoint (where we got married) had great service!
Before my sister, Leo, and I embarked on our 3.5 hour road trip down to Moab, I got my make-up done and it was the best thing ever. I’m sooo picky about people doing my make-up, but I decided to just go for it and get it done by someone I knew and I was so happy I did. More on that below!
After we got to Moab we met Ben at Moab’s city hall to get all the paperwork done and signed for our marriage license. Yes, we did it the day of. haha! David had gone with him hours previously to make sure we didn’t see each other before our first look. I checked into our hotel, freshened up, got Leo ready, and we were off to the park! But of course it wouldn’t be a Delaina type of day without forgetting our rings at the hotel and having to turn around right before we got to the park to go get them. You would think that after having that happen the first time I got married I would make sure I didn’t leave our rings behind… but here we are.
The first look was absolutely magical. David is the cutest human and his reaction was so tender. We took pictures and then had our ceremony. After the short ceremony we took some night pictures that turned out AH-mazing, had a little first dance to “You are Gold” by The National Parks (really fitting), and my cute mother in law had brought the most darling set up with little bundt cakes and Martinelli’s that we had NO idea about, so we were able to do a small cake cutting, drink some Martinelli’s and sign our marriage certificate. It was SO MAGICAL you guys!! After we left the park and got Leo situated for the night (poor little guy was so tired by the end – he was such a trooper being in the heat for that long and not having had an adequate nap beforehand), we straight up drove to a Mexican food place that was still open at midnight and grabbed enough food to feed a small army for just us 2 and brought it back to the hotel because we were STARVING. Literally the best ending to the day.
Okay okay, now the fun stuff. Here’s all the details!!
D R E S S + S E A M S T R E S S + S L I P :
I wanted something simple and inexpensive since we were having more of an elopement-style wedding. Having already been married, David and I both had the “been there, done that” mentality and wanted to keep everything as cost effective as possible. So I began my search online! I eventually decided on one of the very first dresses I saw from ASOS. They have a bridal collection and I DIED over this dress and just had to take the risk and buy it. It ended up being perfect after some slight alterations! The dress is linked here. For $214 I just couldn’t say no! Since I wear garments, I knew this dress would need some sort of slip/alterations to make it garment friendly. One of my best friends sent me Rachael Henrie Design’s Instagram account and I knew right then she’d be the perfect seamstress for the job! After getting it hemmed, taking in the bustle, and connecting the back lace, my dress in total ended up being about $420 after alterations, which is still cheaper than most wedding dresses out there that I would still need alterations on. She was SO sweet and did exactly what I had wanted and did it super fast. After searching around online for the perfect slip to wear underneath my dress, I came across Lizzy Slips and had to purchase ASAP because I knew this slip would be PERFECT to wear underneath my dress! Luckily, I was right! And not to mention the owner and maker of Lizzy slips was the nicest.
S H O E S :
Now when it came to wedding shoes, heels or any sort of fancy shoes were the last thing on my mind. I wanted something that I could hike around in and wear after the wedding since we love to hike. So I purchased these Teva’s and was SO happy I did. I got them for a little cheaper than full price. They were comfortable and I’ve worn them to hike in since! Kill two birds with one stone am I right?
M A K E – U P :
Getting my make-up done was something I wish I would’ve done before and wanted to take advantage of this time since I basically had a second chance this time around. I had been following a friend of mine’s sister who does make up, and knew I had to reach out to her as soon as I thought of it. She had just had a baby and was happy to do my make-up for me even though she was basically still on maternity leave. I am SO picky when it comes to my make up and have never liked it whenever anyone else has ever done my make -up, but I absolutely LOVED how she did mine!! It was the first time I ever liked how someone did my make-up. She made me feel so comfortable and at ease. I felt like a QUEEN. I wish I would’ve gotten better pictures, but she seriously did so amazing! I recommend her 10000%. Link to her profile is here!
B O U Q U E T + B O U T O N N I E R E :
At the very last minute, I decided I wanted a bouquet and boutonniere (oops) and the store I was planning on getting them at didn’t have what I wanted, and I was definitely banking on them having it (I know I know, come on Delaina this isn’t your first rodeo here). I reached out in desperation on Insta to see if anyone knew of any florists that could do it last minute, and Everlasting Floral came in CLUTCH!! She answered me back immediately, spent hours that night ordering exactly what I wanted, had it rush shipped, and spent time on a Saturday (4 days before my wedding might I add) putting it together for me. She made my bouquet dreams come true! She was a life saver. I mean come on, look at that bouquet. Are you kidding me!? GORGEOUS.
P H O T O G R A P H Y + V I D E O G R A P H Y :
Okay, now to my FAVORITE part! Another thing I sacrificed the first time I got married was photography & videography. Although I’m forever grateful I had incredible friends and family who came in clutch for us, I wish I could’ve spent the money on professional pictures and video. I’m SO picky when it comes to pictures and video, so I wanted to make sure that this time around we invested in a photographer and videographer that matched our style and vibe. We hit the jackpot with Jennie Munson Photos and Emily Evans Video. They were both the sweetest humans and truly made our day so much more special. They were so accommodating and both created a package that was tailored to our needs. It felt like we were meeting up with some old friends, that’s how comfortable they made us feel! At the end of the night they pulled out their lights to capture some nighttime pictures and video, and even suggested we turn on one of our songs for a “first dance” so they could capture that for us. I’m so glad we did, it really ended the night on such a magical note for us. They went above and beyond to make our day so special! Here’s some of my favorite pictures (although it’s SO hard to choose favorites because Jennie is so dang talented), and make sure to keep reading for our emotional wedding video that Emily NAILED.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. So. Magical.
I’m forever obsessed with our emotional wedding video that you can watch down below. Grab some tissues, folks. Emily did GOOOOOOD.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to beat this day, because I get to be your husband and a father on the same day.”– David
I’m just so grateful. I never expected life to unfold the way that it has, and it sometimes still blows my mind. But I’m forever grateful that God always knows what’s best for me and wrecks my plans before they wreck me, because I have truly never, ever been happier. I still have a lot of healing to do even though I’ve done the majority of it before David and I started dating, but dating him definitely opened my eyes to a lot more things I need to heal from and I’m so grateful for that. There’s truly no one else I’d rather have by my side as I conquer them.
I love you, David. I’m so excited and honored to do life with you.
To all of you, thank you. Thank you for supporting and loving me and my family. So many of you have been along for the ride and have shown your love and support through all the ups & downs and I can’t thank you enough for that. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And as always, feel free to comment below with any questions you may have and I’ll do my best to answer!
I’ll end with this: God is aware of you. And He loves you so, so dearly. Keep holding on. Keep going. The best is yet to come.
“I sat with my anger long enough, until she told me her real name was Grief.” Let’s chat about grief. Because we have all felt some form of grief in our lives, and we are collectively feeling it right now. Grief is a deep, important emotional response to a great loss. Grief isn’t only...
“I sat with my anger long enough, until she told me her real name was Grief.”
Let’s chat about grief. Because we have all felt some form of grief in our lives, and we are collectively feeling it right now.
Grief is a deep, important emotional response to a great loss.
Grief isn’t only for those who have lost a loved one to death, although that’s what many people think of when they think of the word “grief.” You can grieve the end of, or “death” of, something important to you, whether that’s a stage of life, a relationship, a person, whatever it may be. Your grief is relevant, important, and deserves space to be felt.
It’s safe to say that right now amid this pandemic that we are all feeling some sort of grief. From job losses, having to cancel big plans and family get togethers, loss of our “normals”, loss of connection from family, friends and even random strangers on the streets, loss of loved ones, and the fear of (also known as “anticipatory grief”) economic devastation.
And that’s perfectly normal and deserves the space to be felt.
Grief comes in stages:
Notice how I didn’t number them because they don’t necessarily go in that order. Up, down, straight, diagonal; there is no right or wrong way to go through the grief cycle. You just might skip a step, go out of order, and/or revisit a few of them.
I’ve been grieving for 2 years since the initial shock of what happened to my life. Divorce and separation of family is devastating in every single way. I’m grieving every single day. Some days I can almost forget the grief, other days it hits me like a train. I’m pretty sure I’ve hit every stage with what feels like a thousand times. Some days I’ll feel anger and sadness and want to punch my steering wheel and shake my fists in the air, and other days I’m feeling like I’m on cloud 9 and really healing.
Grief is a rollercoaster.
Grief feels like you are living two different lives. One is where you’re pushing yourself to find joy amidst the chaos in your heart and mind, and the other is where your heart, mind and soul are screaming in pain for answers.
The only true way out of grief, is through it.
In my post “I Believe In Christ” I touched a bit on grief:
“Tears came. Pain came. A little bit of frustration came. And instead of being upset that I was feeling upset, I just allowed myself to feel those emotions, because I know that grief just wants to be heard. So today I listened to my grief, even though it was definitely a damper for some of the day, because I knew that ignoring it would only make it hurt longer and louder.
Grief just doesn’t care. It doesn’t care if you’re alone or surrounded by people. It doesn’t care what day it is, what time it is, what you’re doing, or where you’re at. When it comes, its presence is demanding. The only way to truly heal is to feel it through. So I did.
While at my counseling appointment a few weeks back we discussed trauma and grief a bit more. As I heal from trauma and continue to grieve, sometimes I find myself getting angry that I’m not already done with the grieving. I get angry at myself and think to myself, “Shouldn’t I be over this by now?!?” But it’s not.that.simple. It’s never that simple. Grief has no timeline. It goes up and down and backwards and forwards and out of order, many times. As I’ve really focused on stopping myself from getting angry whenever I start to feel grief, I find myself moving through it more efficiently and effectively due to me actually taking the time to feel it through while reminding myself that it’s more than okay to feel what I’m feeling right now. It’s not easy, but I’m really proud of how far I’ve come.“
I recently found an incredible blog post about grief that isn’t related to death, and I want to share a section from it that I feel is so important to touch on:
Many types of losses are capable of causing complicated emotions, difficulties in daily functioning, and impairment in one’s ability to move forward. These losses are often significant enough to require a decent amount of processing and, just like after a death, grievers often view their lives in terms of before and after the loss. Here’s a brief list of events that can evoke feelings of loss and grief:“The Grief of Non-Death Losses” by What’s Your Grief
Illness or Injury
Shift or weakening of the family/support system
Loss of employment or other role
Exposure to death or trauma
Loss of home
Being the victim of a crime
These events can have a profound impact on one’s emotional wellbeing. They may cause individuals to experience grief due to loss of security, hopes, dreams, innocence, independence, health and mobility, comfort, community, connection, love, intimacy, immortality, trust, and faith. One may also feel grief due to shifts in their self-perception, identity, purpose, or worldview.
I don’t think anyone can fully understand grief until they expand their definition to be inclusive of all types of loss. Especially because many of these losses occur as secondary losses after a death. And it’s essential to an understanding of how dynamic a person’s situation becomes when they have multiple losses to reconcile.
Furthermore, new losses can drudge up emotions related to old losses, while old losses can magnify and complicate one’s ability to deal with further losses. And you thought my logic statements were complicated!
Heck, let me complicate things a little further by pointing out that when a person’s losses are minimized, unacknowledged, or disenfranchised, they will likely experience:
– A lack of support from friends, family, and society who don’t understand the significance of the loss
– Uncertainty about whether they have the right to grieve
– Feelings of being misunderstood, unsupported, disenfranchised, etc
-Harmful avoidance and negative coping, etc.
Unfortunately, many of the circumstances that lead to loss are complicated – job loss, divorce, illness – one needs to navigate paying bills, details, legalities, treatments, etc. Keep swimming, stay afloat, who can worry about anything else?
But we can’t always out swim our losses, and leftover feelings of sadness, anger, regret, guilt, and anxiety loom ominously in the dark and murky water. So we must give ourselves and others the permission to acknowledge and grieve these losses.
The only way to heal, is to feel. Something I find myself continually having a hard time with is not getting mad at myself for “not getting over it already”. I have to constantly remind myself that my grief is valid and deserves the space to feel and heal.
Let it in, then let it go, over and over if you must.
What has helped me through my grief is therapy and an amazing support system. When grieving something that has caused trauma in your life, it’s important to surround yourself with people who validate you and allow you the space, time, and love to heal. I’d also say something that is equally important for the healing process is therapy. Going to therapy will change your life for the better. (Go. To. Therapy. Go to therapy!! Seriously. It will open your eyes and change your life! I’ll be coming out with a blogpost in the coming weeks on counseling, resources, and how to find the right one for you, so stay tuned and subscribe for updates for when that comes out). It’s a game changer and will allow you the space to feel, talk, and receive the inspiration your heart longs for. It’s changed my life.
While browsing Pinterest I came across some really incredible affirmations that you can say while grieving a loss. Here are 7 that can be incredibly helpful.
7 Affirmations to Help Through Grief:
I acknowledge I have the right to grieve this loss. My feelings towards the person or thing(s) I’ve lost are real, significant and no less important than anyone else’s.
I acknowledge that my grief and I deserve the time and space needed to process and deal with the loss. I will not let others minimize this need or deprive me of my right to grieve.
I understand there are others who are grieving similar losses. I will be open to the possibility of receiving support from those who have had similar experiences.
I acknowledge I have the right to rituals honoring and remembering my deceased loved ones and other losses.
I choose to be supported by those who validate my loss and support me in my grief. I choose not to engage with those who belittle my grief and emotion.
My loss is real and I must find personal ways to explore and express my grief and emotion.
I’ll take what I’ve learned from my own grief and loss and strive to show sensitivity towards the grief and loss experience of others.
At a time like this, we benefit more from coming together than standing apart. Even if we can’t stand together physically, we can do our part to stand together emotionally and help each other through the chaos and unknowns and turn them into incredible opportunities of love and service for one another.
If you’re grieving right now because of the pandemic, life circumstances outside of it, or both, know this: you are loved, your feelings are valid, and you are never, ever alone!
“Your trauma is valid. Even if other people have experienced “worse.” Even if someone else who went through the same experience doesn’t feel debilitated by it. Even if it “could have been avoided.” Even if it happened a long time ago. Even if no one knows. Your trauma is real and valid and you deserve a space to talk about it. It isn’t desperate or pathetic or attention-seeking. It’s self-care. It’s inconceivably brave. And regardless of the magnitude of your struggle, you’re allowed to take care of yourself by processing and unloading some of the pain you carry. Your pain matters. Your experience matters. And your healing matters. Nothing and no one can take that away.”
Sending so much healing love your way.
What has helped you through grief? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
My head is actually kind of all over the place and stumped right now as I’m trying to figure out how to start this blog post. I did not realize how hard Easter was going to be for me. And, I totally should have. Two years ago today, on Easter, my world crashed and...
My head is actually kind of all over the place and stumped right now as I’m trying to figure out how to start this blog post.
I did not realize how hard Easter was going to be for me.
And, I totally should have. Two years ago today, on Easter, my world crashed and burned right in front of me. Lots of pain, anguish, feelings of so much betrayal, and utter devastation & desperation were felt that day.
It was the day that would quite drastically change the course of my life, forever.
I wish I could tell that Delaina that day that it was going to suck for quite awhile, but it was going to get better.
That I was going to transform and bloom into this version of me that I had always dreamed of.
That I was going to come out on top and have an incredible support system along the way.
That this was going to be the hardest trial I have faced to date, but it’s going to make me one hell of a woman.
Looking back at that day, I feel so many emotions. Grief is just the best way to describe what I have felt today. There have been moments of pure joy, but also moments of pure sadness, pain, and nostalgia.
And quite honestly, I woke up today not even recognizing today was “that” day. I was feeling kind of off as the day progressed, but I couldn’t figure out why. As I tried to figure out what I was really feeling, I realized it was Leo and I’s first Easter without family. That brought on sadness. And then that’s when I remembered that it was Easter two years ago that my world fell apart.
Tears came. Pain came. A little bit of frustration came. And instead of being upset that I was feeling upset, I just allowed myself to feel those emotions, because I know that grief just wants to be heard. So today I listened to my grief, even though it was definitely a damper for some of the day, because I knew that ignoring it would only make it hurt longer and louder.
And ya know, grief just doesn’t care. It doesn’t care if you’re alone or surrounded by people. It doesn’t care what day it is, what time it is, what you’re doing, or where you’re at. When it comes, its presence is demanding. The only way to truly heal is to feel it through. So I did.
While at my counseling appointment a few weeks back we discussed trauma and grief a bit more. As I heal from trauma and continue to grieve, sometimes I find myself getting angry that I’m not already done with the grieving. I get angry at myself and think to myself, “Shouldn’t I be over this by now?!?” But it’s not.that.simple. It’s never that simple. Grief has no timeline. It goes up and down and backwards and forwards and out of order, many times. As I’ve really focused on stopping myself from getting angry whenever I start to feel grief, I find myself moving through it more efficiently and effectively due to me actually taking the time to feel it through while reminding myself that it’s more than okay to feel what I’m feeling right now. It’s not easy, but I’m really proud of how far I’ve come.
Leo and I have a very special human in our life right now. He’s been an incredible help and source of light and joy and love through this tough process. We got to spend Easter with him and it was so great for us. Today before he blessed the sacrament for us in our apartment, we sang the hymn “I Believe In Christ” and I wanted to share a verse that really stuck out to me:
“I believe in Christ; he stands supreme!
From him I’ll gain my fondest dream;
And while I strive through grief and pain,
His voice is heard: “Ye shall obtain.”
I believe in Christ; so come what may,
With him I’ll stand in that great day
When on this earth he comes again
To rule among the sons of men.”
I’m so beyond grateful for the knowledge I have of our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. With His help and love, I’ve been able to withstand and navigate the harshest of storms that could have dragged me down. Because He lives, we can live with the knowledge that we will all once again be with reunited with our loved ones and live with them again. We can live with the knowledge that no pain lasts forever and that sadness, grief, guilt, regret, shame, devastation, and more can be swept away and healed through Christ. By me choosing to let the Lord’s hand be THE guide in my life, I’ve been guided and blessed through this devastating trial in ways I couldn’t have ever thought of. He loves me, He loves you, and He’s cheering for us and extending His love to ALL of us. No matter where you have been, where you are, or where you’re going. He’s there. He loves us. And will be there to catch us when we fall. Again. And again. And again.
To end, I want to share a video that really touches my heart and was the perfect video to watch today on Easter. Leo even asked to watch it again after the first time. It’s a message of hope, light, and everlasting love. I hope it can bring you the peace, comfort, and love that it brings me whenever I watch it. It’s truly so beautiful.
Really didn’t think I’d have a 2 year old that’d be half my size already but here we are. Although it’s really not shocking. 😅 Sunday’s have been so… weird. Everything is just so weird. Trying to figure out our new normals and new routines is… weird. I just don’t know what other word...
Really didn’t think I’d have a 2 year old that’d be half my size already but here we are. Although it’s really not shocking.
Sunday’s have been so… weird. Everything is just so weird. Trying to figure out our new normals and new routines is… weird. I just don’t know what other word to use besides weird because it truly has been just… w e i r d but it’s giving us time to take a look at where we’re at in life and how we can improve.
Sunday’s are different now. And I’m determined to make it a good different while times are.. dare I say… WEIRD
Leo is starting to pick up on what temples are and what they look like and it makes my heart totally swoon. Hearing him say “bye temple!!” while we drive away, and then him asking to see it there’s nothing greater than seeing your child develop a love for Jesus.
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